MIXED feelings .....

First of all, i hope i'm not too late to wish everyone a
Happy " Dong Zhi " festival !!!

I woke up very early today with a mission to accomplish....i.e. i 'grabbed' the task of making the Tong Yuen (glutinous rice ball) soup from mom. Mom needed them for prayers in the afternoon and i had to make them in time which i did of course!!

I admit that i was so much looking forward to this day so that i could make this favorite delicacy of mine & gave a little 'extra' touch on it to impress my family members. Mom being the usual 'boring' cook, would only have the balls in the original white & pink color with NO fillings !! And since i had many food colorings in store, i was eager to play around with colors!! And i must have missed working in the kitchen so much that i even decided to make fillings for the balls. An uncle has given us a pack of Aust. macademia nuts as souvenir recently which not only was a very much welcomed ingredient to my baking journey but also the only favourite nuts of mine....giggle!!

I blended them & added some sugar to make the fillings!!

I'm proud to say that i'm not letting this custom of rolling 'tong yuen' die in my hands....thou i might not be able to tell what's the history/story behind celebrating this festival....yikes so shame !!

Very happy to see the balls.....even more so when tasting them!!

See so beautiful they are...do you like the colors....as much as i do, hahaha.... yea, not too good but heck, who cares lar....once a while only ma!!

Unfortunately this year it was not a very big family gathering bcoz 2 of my sisters can't joined us for the dinner. So it was just another small gathering yet with the same amount of foods cooked by mom on the table : chicken, duck, prawns, mushroom with chicken feet & wrap 'sang choi' !!

Over dinner, a younger sis broke the news that she & her hub had decided to part for their separate ways !!! Guess not only me who felt devastated with the shocking news despite knowing that there were bits & pieces of cracks in the marriage. Gotta admit there was immediate pain in my heart, sour taste to the food & the festival mood has collapsed to fatality....esp after seeing the tears rolled down her cheek!! It was really hard to swallow the fact that they gave it up so easily!! Stating constant arguments, uncompromising, intolerance, irreconcilable & etc etc as reasons, yet the question that kept loitering in my mind was: why they could endured many years of courtship but could barely made a marriage worked for more than a year ???? why?? why?? why?? I tried not to judge but it was hard....deep beneath me i knew i would blamed 'him' .... no matter how in actual fact they were just not meant for each other!!
it's always easy said than done : 'try to put yourself in others' shoe' .....it's never easy to do!!

But i thought i should be able to understand the whole situation 'better' than anyone else as i had encountered a very similar scenarios!! When i knew my huby, i was already 'attached' ..... in fact it was a courtship for many years. But only god knows that he was just NOT "the one"!! My heart has literally DIED for this person (reasons are no longer important) and it was only FAIR to the other party that the rel/ship be ended given the situation. Yet, some will reckon the act as 'cruel', 'bad', 'evil' & etc as the only thing that they were able to see was 'sympathy' for him (as i found my true love & not him.....)

but i was grateful that i 'followed' my heart then and not merely listening to others who would blindly advised you against the new rel/ship!! Initially, everyone was strongly against my decision to break-off....my parents, siblings & even good friends. I was left with no one to turn to at a point of time....feeling so lost....so bleak....and uncertain of the future !!! Despite the weak spirit then, i did not know where i managed to pick up the guts to pursue my dream of a happy family & future!! I was also at the same time acted very selfish....as i did not even bother how much i have upset the people surrounding me then. A break-up might be perceived as a trivial matter but mine doesn't came off easily at all. It was a night-mare when the ex would 'risked his life' in his effort to stop you from leaving him or being together with someone else!! My mom had to live in fright & worry, the minute i left home....fearing for my safety, fearing that the next day's newspaper would feature another story of a triangle love horrific ending (no need to tell so clearly right?) so dramatic wan i tell u.....until a friend accused that i resulted in my mom's sudden depressed & miserable life hence looking so much older, of which i felt strongly remorseful & sorry!! During that period, not only my family members were affected, my good friends became the victims too....they were constantly disturbed by the annoying stalker.... which led to my next regret, i lost a few good friends as a result. And of course the victims do not exclude my dearest one.... no need to even mention.....
A lesson learnt was the more 'He' did & the more 'He' was trying to win back a 'dead heart', the more 'He' was into no ends and i turned from disliking him to HATE him so much so until i wish him die......i tell u !!!

I had to endure this whole 'struggling' period for nearly 2 years & it was the most tormented period on my life!!

Today after 7 years into a marriage, i must say that I'm most grateful & indebted that i still lurveee 'him' to bits for being a very responsible & wonderful huby as well as a superb hero to his broods!!
To mark this down: we'd reached our 7th wedding anniversary last 15December!! For someone who was so particular about keeping this celebration on-going as it was reckoned to be an extremely important date, it was truly hard to believe that i was totally forgotten about this day..... this year. I bet the main reason to this miracle happening was that my mind was just too occupied lately. I reached home from Japan on the eve, 14th itself and my mind had no space to even think about it until huby's handset suddenly gave an alarm ring at 12 midnight reminding him of the Day.....hahaha He was already in bed and i got so rot of guiltiness that night!!! hahaha

Anyway, life was hectic so it was excusable.....but i won't be so hectic every year so next year i'll surely remember to celebrate it BIG BIG, wokay !!!!

You know what...... i used to be for many years..... felt very 'embarrass' about telling my past relationship and will kept it away like sweeping them under the bed but suddenly i realised i'm no longer feeling a shame about it.....haha In fact, i felt proud that i'd gained a lot from this lesson...... few of my good friends kept telling & reminding me how much i have changed....LOL! more matured.... more understanding.... more affectionate.... very decisive & wise & etc etc..... most importantly, we both appreciated our love for each other more than any ordinary couple!!

Anyway, having such a 'rich' & complicated relationships as background, i should acknowledge & understand that only the couples itself would "knew" if the marriage/rel-ship works for them as after all, they are well grown up adults with 'wise thinking' capability!! While we could sympathies & offer a listening ear, we should not blindly advice unnecessarily!! We'll give her some room to clear her mind & mom assured her that the family is always here to welcome her!! As my huby said, it doesn't matter now who is wrong, it is more significant for sis to NOT LOOK BACK but be strong to stand up tall all over again and look into the potentially bright, interesting & colorful future !!!

Marriage can be merry yet fragile at the same time.
So lets learn to treasure more.....
Here's wishing everyone a happy marriage !!!