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Sunday, November 25, 2007

I can't survive sparing the ROD....

On the issue of "SPARE THE ROD", Chinnee wanted to know how i deal with my kids hence the pass of this tag to me!

Looking by the title, you could have guess how bad it is for us........!!!
I have to agree that children are no difference from us adults that are unique in their own way! Hence, i suppose there is no single way that deals with ALL !!! My way of dealing with my kids would not necessarily be suitable for others! And this is particularly so for having a set of twins!

When my twins were still babies, i thought i was having the toughest time bringing them up. It was a phobia when midnight approached as it would mean dragging myself up for night feeding or crying! But after having dealt with their terrible biting at 2 yrs old, scary hitting at 3 yrs old, uncontrollable fighting at 4 yrs old & rebellious stage at 5, i now reckon that their babies milestones were the easiest to deal with! As a result, i can't help but to ponder what more challenges that lie ahead.....

I always believe parenting would be easier with a single child or siblings with at least an age gap of 3 years. What i meant was in respect of the affordability of the parents giving their full attention & focus in instilling good values on ONE child without having the obstacles of competition/favouritism. Needless to say, it was obvious that we had challenging obstacles in the upbringing of our twins.

Being first time parents & unexperienced at the same time, we had run out of ideas how to deal with 2 toddlers of the same age/size/height that only bother to " FIGHT " for just anything, in anyway and at anytime ranging from fighting over........ toys/books/stationeries/clothes/foods/drinks or just simply anything !!!
There are people who are acceptable that my boys possessed such attitudes/behaviours at their age but i also like to believe that there are people who thought that my boys are just extra ordinarily naughty! What i'm pretty sure was that most people whom had experienced dealing with my boys would 'shake' their heads indicating the feeling of fear & surprise with the unexpected.

Even my mom was very definate that 'talking' to the boys doesn't seemed to work as their attention span can be very difficult to catch! And the 'talking' remedy is just too slow a method in response to their 'fighting' episode which could be harmful at times if NOT STOP immediately!!
At the very beginning, the instant response was a mild shout......then soon the milder shout progressively developed into sharp screams.....and it intensified to roar yells !!!
To a certain extend, we felt guilty as the screaming did passed on to the boys inevitably! But we just can't help it....

I read a lot about the pros & cons of caning the child. As much as i would love to agree with those expert in sparing the rod, we ended up resorting to the rod as our final solution in dealing with the uncontrollable situations! In fact, by now having experienced parenting the twins for 5 years, we came to term that our boys are only 'scare' of the rod & will only be willing to 'listen' when we showed the rod! Most often than not, we were already up to the max of our limit when we grabbed the cane! It may not be the best method, but at least we got things worked out!!

Would you believe that my mom has got to have the cane in her hand in order to put the boys to nap in the afternoon?? Else, i doubt if my mom would ever get to rest.......need to say more??

I know i have sounded very dreadful now.........so i must not forget to mention that as 'good' parents too, we strive to continuously improve our parenting skills & the upbringing of our boys as they are our 'LIFE', our 'BLOOD' & our 'BREATH' !! We did do the 'talk' as & when the situation permits & the boys do take note too when their lil minds are exceptionally goooood !!!
And here, i promised to keep learning from my fellow blogger friends in parenting skills & would continuously adapt ourselves where necessary!!
Instructions :**Start Copying Here**
Tag 5 bloggers
1st - You leave their blog and post link and add to the list below.
2nd - Let the blogger know that they have been tagged by leaving comment in their blog.

1. Miche does not spare the rod.
2. Chinnee still spare the rod at this moment.
3. Jacss can't survive sparing the rod.

I am just curious & wonder how the following friends handle the rod:


Mummy to QiQi said...

Jacss, this is a good write up. Thanks a lot for sharing your stories, as I know you would have a very different say on this topic, whats more with 2 BOYS!!!

Agree that we mum cannot oni stick on one method, coz each kid are different. They need different type to control on them.

JO-N said...

Jacss, thanks for sharing your story. I think you are a good mom who loves your children and want your children to be good boys.

I know how you feel because I too cannot control my anger sometimes but when we yell, they can't hear us; when we yell, we are not teaching them because we don't think straight.

Yelling and hitting will stop the negative behaviors immediately but they stop because they fear, not because they understand the reason or the consequences.

I explain a lot but I think it doesn't work very well too because a lengthy explanation becomes nagging and the kids won't listen.

Now, I try other methods and find that when I come out with surprises, they often stop to listen.

Jacss, I think we always want OUR WAY and that's why we are angry when the kids don't follow. I have moments like this too. Kids tend to be forgetful too and we should always remind them by repeating.

Jacss, when you are angry, you can try to leave the place for awhile, breath and cool down before coming back or you can ask your children to hug you to cool you down.

Jacss, don't think I am good because after all these effort I put in, my children are not 100% obedient or well behave. They still misbehave, still playful and still forget their manners sometimes.

Sorry for the long explanation and sorry if I sounded like I'm lecturing. I don't mean too. I just want to share my thoughts.

You can ignore this if you think it's not suitable for you cos like you say, different approach suits different child.

Good night Jacss. I'm glad to know you.

Jacss said...

cnee: thank god u didn't get a shock over my 'cane' stories...hehe!

dear jo-n: the last thing u need to say is 'sorry' as u really don't have to!!

in fact, i'm really thankful that i 'discovered' u or rather yr blog as i find that you are a wise thinker & do have a very good 'reasoning' skills, thus good parenting skills too!

ppl like me who has hot/short temper finds peace & calm after reading how good other parenting skills can be eg. from reading yours parenting posts!!

i'm glad that u could execute & implement those theories relating to sparing the rod. i absolutely agree with yr thoughts & opinions!

i like d idea..."always come out with surprises, they will stop to listen"...got to lock this into my mind !!

so, how can i ignore what u said? i have learnt & will not let it slip by, as i've said, i will adapt along the way......

thanks again!

zara's mama said...

I guess twins especially boys can be tough to handle.

As they grow older, try to move away from the rod. :)

slavemom said...

I agree that the baby period is the easiest to handle. Jes hv to make sure they're comfortable n not hungry. :D I'm oso learning +ve parenting skills from blogger frens (like Jo-N). Sigh... still lots to learn. So let's learn to ctrl our temper n deal with the kids in a more +ve way ya. If oni the child will help us... :)

Jacss said...

agnes: glad that someone udrstand how tough it is......
i promise i'll try my best to reduce relying on the rod though :)

ginie....such a sweet name, haha:
yes, i kept reminding myself & huby to control our temper....hopefully the kids would udrstd us one day in d future!!

chanelwong said...

jo-n gave you a very detail and it is not easy to put on practice n worth trying...

no easy to handle twin boys...i respect you...

Tracy said...

Spare the rod? Saying is easier than done, rite? When kids are obedient and listen, why do we need the rod hor? Kids tend to listen to others rather than own parents, dat's why they'll tend to beahve and look more obedient to others. My girl is like dat, she'll be well behaved when she's not in the house but when she's at home .... sigh ... she's a 'monster'. It is always the last resort to use the rod when there's no other choice.

My girl is just like ur boys ie without the rotan in my hand, she just woulnd't take her nap in her afternoon. Once I hold the rotan, she'll obediently go to the sofa and within minutes she'll in slumberland ... sigh ...

1+2mom said...

Gave birth a child is so easy but educate them is the hard job. Last time I used to cane my son too but i saw it not work, now he grow bigger i can chat with him it so surprise that he will listen what i said.

Now no more cane at my home, we use punishment to him like take away his favorite toys will give him back if he well behave in a week..it work.

Will tell my story later, need to settle the monkeys in this long holidays so i can have time to blog.